Meeting Topic
Why Confidence in Speaking is Learned – and So is Fear – Cath Vincent
Introduction
We often hear it’s natural to feel nervous when speaking — but is it really?
Comedian Jerry Seinfeld once joked that at a funeral, most people would rather be in the box than giving the eulogy. From meetings to networking events, we’ve normalised fear as the price of visibility. Yet nervousness isn’t natural; it’s learned — and anything learned can be unlearned.
If you’re not confident when you speak, you’re not yet the best ambassador for your business. Confidence isn’t for extroverts; it’s a universal skill anyone can reclaim.
The Myth of “Natural” Nerves
If you said you were nervous about presenting, most people would call it ‘natural’. That belief spreads — we collectively agree fear is normal, and it becomes self-reinforcing.
But as a child, you couldn’t wait to speak — even before you had words. The drive to express yourself is innate, but what changes is conditioning. At school we learn to fit in, not stand out. At work, staying safe means staying quiet.
Public-speaking fear is evolutionary: standing alone before a group once risked rejection from the tribe. That instinct once kept us alive, but today it stops us leading. Recognising that fear is not natural but a learned behaviour, is the first step in unlearning it.
What Confidence Signals in a Leader
People form impressions in seconds, mostly through energy and body language. We read tiny cues — a quiver, a backward step, a shaky hand. When someone seems unsure, we doubt their message.
On the other hand confident speakers project credibility. They speak clearly, hold space, and show certainty — not by knowing everything, but by making sense of the world for others. Leadership isn’t about being right; it’s about giving people clarity and calm. When your energy communicates confidence, people trust you — and your business.
Three Ways to Shift from Fear to Confidence
- Start with your first thought. “I’ll mess this up” triggers anxiety and tension. Replace it with something grounding: “I’ve got this,” or “It’s only ten minutes.”
- Set a better goal. Don’t aim to survive; aim to thrive. When your goal shifts from endurance to enjoyment, your energy lifts.
- Shift the spotlight. Stop performing and start serving. When you focus on your audience, authenticity flows and nerves fade.
Fear of speaking isn’t who you are — it’s what you’ve learned. The moment you stop accepting fear as normal, you begin to unlearn it.
Confidence transforms not only how others see you, but how you see yourself — and that ripple goes far beyond the stage. Decide you’re done being afraid — and Wake Up Your WOW!
https://www.nzbusinesswomen.co.nz/profile/cathvincent
Next Meeting Topic
Women are living longer – make sure your money does too – Cassandra Hannington
Women in New Zealand live, on average, five years longer than men. That’s great news for wellbeing, but it raises an important question: will your money last as long as you do? With women’s KiwiSaver balances still around 25 percent lower than men’s and the gap widening to 37 percent before retirement¹, now’s the time to make your money work harder for the years ahead.
Understanding the challenge
Women often reach retirement with smaller savings because of a mix of structural and lifestyle factors:
- Career breaks for caregiving
- More part-time or lower-paid work
- The gender pay gap, currently 8.2 percent
- Lower home-ownership rates
- Relationship changes
These factors build up over time, leaving less invested and fewer years for growth. Add a longer life expectancy and you have more years of expenses to cover, including housing, food, travel, and healthcare.
According to Massey University’s Retirement Expenditure Guidelines, even a “no frills” lifestyle can cost more than NZ Super provides. For women who live into their 90s or beyond, that gap widens as costs rise and savings have to stretch further.
Smart steps to make your money last
Start investing now
Even in your 40s or 50s, it’s not too late. KiwiSaver is designed for long-term growth, and small, regular contributions can add up faster than you might think.
Choose a KiwiSaver fund that fits your future
Many women default to conservative funds, which may not suit a long retirement. If you have time to ride out short-term market fluctuations, a balanced or growth fund could help your savings grow more over time.
Maximise your KiwiSaver contributions
If you’re self-employed or on a career break, you can still contribute. Aim to put in at least $1,042.86 each year to receive the full government top-up (eligibility criteria apply).
Plan for a longer retirement
Plan financially to at least age 95. Test your plan against that horizon, factor in rising healthcare costs, and balance growth with stability so your money keeps working after you retire.
Build financial confidence
Confidence is often the missing link. The more informed you are, the more control you have, and confident investors make better decisions. Talk about money with friends or colleagues, ask questions, and seek expert advice when you need it.
Don’t rely on KiwiSaver alone
Explore other income sources to build flexibility, such as:
- Investment funds
- Rental property
- Business ownership or side ventures
The opportunity – take control of your future
The longevity challenge is real, but it is also an opportunity. With the right strategy and support, you can make your money last longer and build a retirement that’s not just comfortable but fulfilling.
At Milford, nearly half of our advisers are women. We understand the unique financial challenges women face and are passionate about helping you plan with confidence.
Get in touch with us to learn more.
New report reveals why women retire with less – and how to fix it
Cassandra Hannington, Milford Financial Adviser
https://www.nzbusinesswomen.co.nz/profile/CassandraHannington
